A collection of stories that have nothing to do with civil disobedience, Russia, or civil disobedience in Russia.

• Why Girl Scout Cookies Must Be Banned. “How can we allow any organization, regardless of its cause, to use children to pimp products loaded with trans fat, the partially hydrogenated oil that Americans fear more than communism?”
• Athletics, Withdrawal Plan Debated. “Programs ought to not simply have winning seasons but be able to compete for championships,” Gillespie said. “We find it unacceptable to bring anyone to Duke-let alone 90 people who we’re giving scholarships to-to be on the worst of anything, whether it’s a debate team or a football team.”
• Willy Wonka, Billionaire. “He’s mysterious, he’s innovative, he’s probably a little insane, and he’s rich. According to Forbes Magazine, Mr. Willy Wonka is currently the 13th richest fictional character in the universe, ranking just above Lucius Malfoy. Take that, Slytherin!”
• New Study Blames Columbus For Syphilis Spread. “New genetic evidence supports the theory that Christopher Columbus brought syphilis to Europe from the New World, U.S. researchers said Monday, reviving a centuries-old debate about the origins of the disease.”
• Las Vegas Pinball Hall of Fame. “Las Vegas is known for the unusual and offbeat. Places like the Liberace Museum, the Neon Museum, the Clown Factory, The Elvis Museum, the Barry Manilow Store, the Pinball Hall of Fame… Wait a second. The Pinball Hall of Fame? What exactly is that? Or more importantly, why is there a Pinball Hall of Fame?”
• Wiper Fluid Price Set to Soar. “Want to pay up to $6 for a jug of windshield washer fluid? Then stock up, warns a local maker of the blue stuff who says prices for the Canadian winter staple will spike in the new year because of a global methanol shortage.”
• Misery: The Secret to Happiness. “The key to a happy relationship could be accepting that some miserable times are unavoidable, experts say.”